kiltforhire

In the last year my eyebrows have taken on a life of their own.

They grew in size.

They started going in all different directions.

And now they are starting to occupy nearby territories.

My eyebrows have become Nazi Germany and the area around them seems to be Europe.

I have no doubt they will invade my ears next. They will start growing there and suddenly start sprouting outwards so it makes me look like I’m thinking about becoming a cat.

And at the same time the damned fascist regime is secretly stealing hair from my head. Every year it seems like I have less there and the bastards have done some kind of chemical warfare on me which seems to be making my hair grey.

I’ve been trying to battle them for a while now but it’s so damn hard. My body seems to be in cahoots with them. I’m hurting more after football. I wake up with a twinge in my shoulder and they have developed some new sonic weapon that kicks in at night and wakes the neighbours up – SN0R-3-000 I believe it’s called.

What’s even more annoying is that I watched a show the other day that said your cells can only replicate 50 times and that’s it…click…click…click…then that’s it. Game over. They also said that after 35 your body starts to deteriorate.

Great.

I’m 36 at the moment and the great fascist horde gave me one year before they decided to invade and attack.

I’m trying to figure if I should contact the United Nations and ask them to get involved. Maybe they can loan me one of those blue berets, some scissors and some of that hair re-growth stuff.

I don’t think I’ll ever dye my hair though. I don’t think anything will combat the nasty chem warfare stuff they have pulled on me – not to mention the fact that everyone I know will suddenly realize that I’m being attacked when they see the grey turn back to brown.

So yeah, if you have any advice for me to fight the attacking hordes feel free to let me know 😉