Archive for the ‘Technology’ Category

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iPads aren’t free ya numpty

In Lessons,Life,Social Media,Technology on March 11, 2013 by kiltforhire

If you are on a Facebook and think that Apple can’t reseal a product and instead are giving away 500+ iPhones or 500+ iPads then you are a fucking numpty.

If you are on Facebook and think that Sony is looking for testers for the PS4 and you will get given a PS4 before launch and get to keep it afterwards then you are a fucking muppet.

If you believe that Ray Ban, Samsung or any other multi-national company just so happens to be on Facebook with only a few thousand likes and is giving away free shit then you are a fucking bawbag numpty muppet!

Out there are a bunch of devious fannybaws who would like nothing more than to gather your data and sell it on. That’s why these pages exist. You really want to give them all your info then please go ahead but you will be unfriended so I don’t have to see dumb on a daily basis. Especially as the person running the page now knows who you shared the image or info with. Thanks for doing that.

Oh yeah and if you want to share a ‘story’ on Facebook without checking Snopes – LINK HERE – then please don’t. Seriously. I’m sick of seeing pictures of crying matadors who allegedly broke down one day in front of the bull…the motherfucker was playing a ruse on the bull, oh yeah and it’s not really the same guy who your article is talking about, oh and lastly the actual guy the story is talking is in a wheelchair because a bull gored him.

And if you wan’t to load up a picture of someone with a quote then please can you just take one second out of your life to go to google and actually see if the person said it. Yes I know you want to be inspirational. Yes I know you want to seem cool but if the quote you put up doesn’t link with the person who said it then for fucks sake that’s not exactly great is it?

I guess all I want is people to think just for a few seconds before the commit to doing something.

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I want to be in Star Wars Episode 7

In Life,Religion,Technology,Uncategorized on March 4, 2013 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , , ,

I’m not an actor. One of my best friends is. He’s a legend. Martin Grelis (known as the Easy off Bam guy in Aus but I know him as one of the greatest people I’ve met on this planet).

I’m not good in front of a camera. See me perform on an ABC show. I get shy. I get sweaty. I speak fast and I fumble.

But fuck me do I love Star Wars. It’s just amazing. I’ve met Darth Vader. Well I’ve ran away from him but that counts. I’ve drank with Ewan McGregor (him and Karl Urban are the nicest celebrities people type stuff I’ve met) and talked old Star Wars with him which rocked.

My first film in the cinema was A New Hope.

I’ve seen the originals so many times I’ve lost count and I realize that the next Star Wars movie gives me the tiny tiny tiny possibility to appear in a Star Wars movie.

Could you imagine that? How amazing would that be? That would be the greatest thing ever.

I would take time off work. I would work for free. I would be the extra’s extra and make JJ cups of tea and play him soothing music by the Max Rebo band. Seriously I’m 40 next year and I have one chance to be in a Star Wars movie. I must do it.

So c’mon world give me some hints or advice one what to do!!

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My Google Glasses Rules

In Digital,Lessons,Life,Media,Social Media,Technology,Work on February 28, 2013 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , , ,

When I woke this morning my feed was full of chatter about Google Glasses. Google’s big man Sergey Brin while talking at TED said that smartphones are emasculating and forcing us all to look down – as a man I look down occasionally in a needed way which got me thinking about what would happen when you wear the glasses and the rules that will need to be enforced.

1. Don’t wear your Google Glasses at dinner/lunch/breakfast if you are sitting with other people. If you think people checking their phone is annoying just wait till people simply stare up to read their latest text.

2. Bathroom etiquette is going to be massive with this one. Don’t wear them at the urinal if you are a bloke. That could end up in fights if people think you are filming their cocks. And for everyone it’s gonna be rude to just record any and all bathroom chatter.

3. No google glasses in the cinema. I don’t want to see little lights in the top corner lighting up around me. SWITCH THEM OFF.

4. I realise that being a citizen journalist is gonna be awesome with these things but I also want you to think about what you upload. Don’t use them for evil.

5. Sex. No. Unless you feel like being kinky and watching that stuff later on…but let’s be honest what if your partner wears them and she puts the video on and all you see is yourself having sex. That’s gonna be weird right? Nobody wants to see the faces they make during sex.

6. In meetings at work. May seem like a good idea but no one will say anything because everyone will be paranoid it will come bite them in the ass.

7. Shower rooms. Hopefully the glasses are waterproof. This does not mean it’s ok to wear them in the gym shower room.

8. Surgeons. Leave my insides inside not outside on the web.

9. Don’t watch porn on them on the way to work. That’s freakin’ weird.

That’s pretty much the main ones for now but I have a feeling I’ll be adding a lot more to the list as time goes on.

Do you have any suggestions where you shouldn’t wear your Google Glasses?

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My Facebook Rules

In Lessons,Life,Marketing,Media,Social Media,Technology on February 11, 2013 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , ,

Following on from My Twitter Rules here are my Facebook rules. Now where Twitter is about conversations with anyone about everything Facebook is slightly different. It’s where people from your past and your present all get together and update their lives, interact and chat but in a more reserved way.

I have a love and hate relationship with Facebook. I enjoy seeing what my friends are up to and it’s nice to get snapshots of home and lives that I’m no longer fully part of but on the other hand there are a lot of people who use it as if it was their personal diary and that just isn’t for me.

The rules aren’t for everyone and I totally get that every person uses their Facebook differently but these are my rules that I generally stick to when using it.

1. Spam. I hate it. You hate it. We all hate it. You remember those days when you would get chain letters sent by email? We all thought we had got rid of them but we forgot one single thing – some people are dumb and are now using Facebook and failing to do basic checks before diving in and commenting on dumb images and stories which are usually a total piece of shit and full of lies. I never comment on them unless it’s to point them to Snopes however I have since realised that by even getting involved other people who follow me may now see it and, well, stuff that. So now I ignore.

2. I try and post between three to five times a week. On the odd occasion I post maybe once or twice in a day and on a rare occasion three time. I don’t believe you should fill up other people’s feeds with constant up to the minute running feeds of your life. I ain’t that important and neither are you so let’s not annoy too many people.

3. When it comes to pics of my friends I have a really simply rule. I never ever tag a friend in a picture if I think it is unflattering. If you tag it it appears on their wall and if ain’t a good pic then I don’t want to make them look bad. They are my friends and they always look good to me so I don’t see why other shouldn’t see them in any other light than when they are at their most awesome.

4. If you want to play games on Facebook that’s just great but I don’t. And therefore you will never get a game invite from me and I’d really appreciate if you didn’t ever send me a damned invite for a game. Please don’t. I’m sick of them. I’m a gamer and I have an Xbox and a Wii U and a PC and an iPad all for gaming but Facebook is not a gaming platform for me and I simply don’t give a rat’s arse about any of them.

5. Hashtags in Facebook. Leave them over on Twitter please. Thanks. Appreciate it.

6. I do believe that Facebook is a place for long updates as opposed to Twitter 140 characters. I have no problem with that. Write away. I usually do. Sometimes people even have to click the little blue button to read all of my update.

7. Baby pics. I am delighted when my friends have babies. It’s wonderful. Especially my friends Alan and Lesley who have gorgeous triplets but you don’t need to share 8000 pictures each and every day. Next time you want to take a spree of pics and post them why not pick up your kid and give them a hug. I have to admit I’m really lucky that the majority of my friends with kids at the moment do a great job of limiting the pics but I have seen overkill in the past.

8. It’s called Facebook not Facesbook. Leave your profile pic as just you and don’t have you AND your other half. C’mon we don’t need to be reminded how much you both love each other every single day. And if you really have to use a pic like that please don’t make it one where you are expressing your tonguitude into them.

9. I never upload funny pics and tag my friends. Personally I think it’s rude to do that. There really is no need for it.

10. Ultimately I try to be considerate. I don’t really post anything inflammatory. I don’t flood people’s timeline with funny images. I don’t pester people and I do like things that I genuinely like. I don’t click on something for no reason.

11. Comment. Getting involved in your friend’s lives is important. If someone has put up a good status update that I’ve enjoyed then I’m not afraid to get involved in a chat or discussion about whatever the post is about.

12. I try and be funny when I post. If I can make one of my friend’s smile then it’s all worth while.

13. I’m happy to unfriend someone if they are being horribly racist, sexist, vile or downright intolerable. I’m also happy to add new people who I’ve met online who I believe will add a little bit of colour to my life.

Looking at this list some are rules and some are things I avoid doing but I think you kinda get the gist of where I’m coming from. Similar to My Twitter Rules I believe that you should always hover before posting to think about what you are saying and if you are happy with it slamming into 200+ people’s feeds.

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This is the future

In Technology on February 10, 2013 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

I don’t know if you have heard of something called Ultra-Ever Dry but god damn do I gots to get me some of that.

Now after watching this video and all of its lovely industrial uses it made me think about what I would use it for. I mean this stuff is hydrophobic yeah? It’s scared of water or liquid and tells it to politely bugger off and thus it suddenly lifts itself well out of industrial and straight into consumer in my eyes.

Firstly, I want to coat my windows in this stuff. Not just my car windows although that would be the first thing I would do – no real need for window wipers any more – and second my windows in my apartment so I could always look out and see the world when it’s pissing down (of course all those songs and poems that talk about watching water pour down windows rather than bouncing off may seem outdated).

Next up I would coat my rashie and my beach shorts… can you imagine it? You walk out of the sea and boom you are pretty much dry!

I would suggest that coating your hair may be a bad idea you know cause you won’t ever be able to wash it again till it grows out.

I would coat my trenchoat, my work trousers and my work shoes. So whenever it rains I’ll never really get wet again apart from my hair.

Then I’d coat my football shirt and shorts so I don’t ever have to worry about it getting sweaty or wet when it rains. Now what next I hear you say?

Well I need to check if you can eat off it but if you can then I’m gonna suggest EVERY SINGLE THING IN MY KITCHEN!! Cause then cleaning will take all of thirty seconds. Rinse and clean. Boom!!

I’d love to hear your suggestions as to what you would coat with this crazy future stuff!!??

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My Twitter Rules

In Lessons,Life,Marketing,Media,Social Media,Technology on February 6, 2013 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

Rules.

We all all live by them. We all have our own code.

Twitter.

It’s the second love of my life. It’s the communications platform I always dreamed of. It gives anyone the ability to talk to anyone else in this world as long as they have a Twitter account. Not once in the history of the world has this been possible. Yet here we are exchanging words across the globe with anyone and everyone.

I’ve been using Twitter for nearly five years. I don’t cheat the system. I don’t play the follow me and I’ll follow you game. But I do reply to nearly everyone who speaks to me – its only polite – and I do hunt out fun and interesting people to talk to because its what makes life interesting.

But you got to have rules and that’s where My Twitter Rules come in to play.

1. If I follow you and you send me an auto-DM then I’ll unfollow. It’s rude to think that because I’ve chosen to engage with you that you suddenly have the right to barge into my life and try to sell me something or direct me to your blog or your website. If it’s in your profile chances are I’ve already looked.

2. If you tweet more than five times in my timeline in less than a minute and it’s not a scream for help because you are in a dire situation the I’ll unfollow you. I follow you because I’m interested in you. I didn’t follow you to know the exact contents of your mind one a second by second basis.

3. I don’t read celebrity gossip. I don’t wait patiently every week to find out which celebrity has been knocked up, divorced, having an affair or simply put on some extra pounds. You know what? I simply don’t care. Everyone deserves their privacy and I’m not a fan of peering into people’s lives through an 800mm lens.

4. Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton. Retweet them and I unfollow. I have no desire to know anything about either of those two. Basically I suggest thinking about your followers before you retweet certain things. I always hover for a second and think about my followers before I retweet.

5. Quotes. If you think continually tweeting quotations is cool well that’s just swell however if I want to read quotes the I’ll head on over to one of the million quote pages on the web and read some.

6. Every week I try and find a few people I’ve not engaged with in a while or at all and see what they have to say and try to chat to them. Find something they have said I have found interesting and let them know.

7. If you have connected your account to a site that is sending DMs to me telling me ‘people are saying this about you and has a link’ I’ll DM you back and let you know. You may not know the account is sending on your behalf so it’s only right I let you know.

8. If I have just followed you and we haven’t interacted and you send me a DM asking me to subscribe to your YouTube channel or your blog you can be assured I won’t be visiting your site and I certainly won’t be following you any more.

9. I will block you if you are a troll. I have been abused a few times on Twitter (this one comes to mind!) and I simply won’t put up with you being an asshole. I’ll accept it a few times as you may be having a bad day but if you keep at it it’s block city

I guess they are my standard rules. I’ll probably come back and update when I think of others I use. If you have any rules I’d love to hear them.

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The lone keyboard warrior

In Life,Social Media,Technology on February 10, 2012 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , ,

Last night I had a strange incident and normally I would leave it alone but not today.

While on Twitter I noticed someone saying that Australia’s NBN is already outdated. I wrote a small note back explaining they were incorrect.

And their response? The lovely gentleman (whose Twitter profile says: ‘Father of 5 kids, Loving Grandfather of 10 Grandchildren,and 2 Great Granddaughters. love to give heaps to Pollies and Poofters) said to me: ” Go and lick Gillards C*** out U commie Prick” (I’ve edited the swear word but they didn’t)

Yup. They seriously wrote that.

In four years of being on Twitter it’s the first time I’ve been visibly shocked by a tweet.

I never mentioned politics.

I never mentioned communism.

I never mentioned sex.

Oh yeah and I’m Scottish and not a citizen in Australia so I can’t even vote here!

Yet there they were attacking me for correcting them. Which brings me to the world of the lone keyboard warrior. I spend a lot of time online and more and more I’m seeing this kind of thing. I’m used to it on forums where long-term friendships and hatreds are born. I’ve even been a moderator on a gaming forum where daily abuse was the norm but Twitter – where people are more likely to use their own names – I’m noticing a marked increase in the attacks.

Maybe it’s because I’m spending a lot more time looking at certain issues which people are passionate about but even then the debate should be cordial and without personal attacks. But on Twitter the area I have noticed the most hatred and vitriol is from the political area. It seems that when people start talking about politics there are those online who revert to the most vile and disgusting abuse … but only behind their keyboards.

I’ve never really had the urge to troll nor attack people online. I’ve occasionally defended myself but I see online and offline as two worlds that have less and less of a gap between them and people at some point will have to stop being keyboard warriors and start realising that what they say online can and will have repercussions for them offline. If you wouldn’t say it to someone in a street then don’t say it online.

Have you had any dealing with any crazy keyboard warriors?

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Public Speaking

In Digital,Life,Social Media,Technology on December 1, 2011 by kiltforhire

If you met me and spoke to me at work or in a bar or randomly while waiting for a train you would assume me confident, out-going and very talkative. My father, genetically and informatively, gave me a tad of his charisma and I use it wisely – a bit like if I had The Force – however one of these days I will have to confront my fear of public speaking.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of being invited on the ABC’s Big Ideas show to take part in a debate on “Is the screen mightier than the sword?” and before the show I was absolutely bricking myself that I would freeze, swear, kick over the lectern or simply strip off my shirt shouting “I’m Spartacus”.

Thankfully I didn’t do any of those things. Well except from swear. I may have done that by accident. Oh and I may have also froze. And I did think about kicking the lectern when I said something totally and utterly dumb.

I don’t know where my fear comes from. I have acted on stage and never really got butterflies and always enjoyed it but there is something about public speaking that freaks me out.

I used social media examples as a way to prove the screen was indeed mightier than the sword and I believe that as technology increases we will enter a better world for all mankind. More communication is no bad thing.

But while talking at the event my hands were shaking so I grabbed on to the lectern to try and stabilise myself only to find it was a it wobbly – so if you do watch the program feel free to not think I’m drunk. I’m just sober and unstable. Not mentally unstable. Well maybe a little.

My throat dried up as I was speaking.

I blabbed on in my Scottish accent throwing words out as fast as that General Electrics M134 mini-gun in Predator shoots bullets. The one that Blane uses.

My timed nine minute speech was suddenly over in seven minutes.

Maybe it’s better to say less than more but what if you said more but in the less timeframe??

I didn’t know what to do. Do I stand there and keep making my point? Or do I walk away and run back to my seat crying Freedom!!

I did neither of course. I said thank you, looked sheepish and stealth’d back to my seat.

Doing the talk reminded me that I should stick to talking to small groups and generally hiding in the background rather than being the centre of attention. I don’t like it when people focus on me – maybe for fear they will see the real me? An over-weight, greying, stubbly, short Scotsman with a wonky eye.

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Some handy iPhone and iPad tips

In Lessons,Technology on October 10, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , ,

These tips are current as of iOS4 and I’ll update them once I get access to the new operating system.

1. If you have scrolled down your contacts or while using an app or reading an article etc all you need to do is tap the top of the touch area of the phone to return to the top of the page (called the status area)

2. If you need to search the app or doc you are in on your phone simply pull down on most apps to bring up the search function

3. Hold down the .com button while using a web browser and it should give you a list of extra options including .au and others

4. Double tap the shift key till it goes lights up blue to gets caps lock. If not working go to settings > general > keyboard > caps-lock

5. Screenshot. Simply press the home button and the off button at the same time to take a pic of whatever you are looking at on the screen

6. You don’t have to type www when typing in web addresses

7. Double tap text on a webpage for the screen to fit to size on screen

8. If you use accents in your writing you can hold down any of these keys: e y u i o a s l z c n to get access to them

9. Also if you swipe up on the comma you get an inverted comma. Same with full stop key. If you swipe up you will get quotation marks

10. Tap and hold a link to get more options. Such as email, read on instapaper etc

11. If you have an image on a web page just hold down on the image and you will get some more options including saving the pic

12. If you use the Calculator app turn the phone sideways and it will give you a scientific calculator

13. Creating folders. Many people don’t seem to know this but if you hold your finger on an app till it shakes and then drag it onto another app then it will create a folder. You can name it whatever you want 🙂

14. You can sync all your notes and have them sent to whatever email account linked to your phone. Just click Settings > Notes > Default Account and it will automatically send to the account you choose including Gmail or MobileMe or simply store on your phone as usual

15. With your iPhone you can lock the orientation and stop it moving around by double clicking the home button and bringing up your multitasking dock. Swipe left rather than right to get to the iPod section and next to it should a lock button. If you have your iPad set to lock using the mute button as orientation then the mute button will appear next to to the iPod section on the multitasking bar

Hope this helps 🙂

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Apple Focus

In Digital,Lessons,Marketing,Media,Technology on October 10, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about Apple since the death of Steve Jobs. He got me thinking about the meteoric rise of the company from it being months from collapse to where it sits today – a technological marvel and marketing maestro that seems to be ahead of the game against their competition.

It seems like many others have also been thinking about the company recently but one person’s comments really stood out to me – William Gibson.

Now there are obviously many people who have helped influence my life but both Steve Jobs and William Gibson are up there pretty much close to the top along with my parents, my Uncle Kenny and my best mates who I grew up with.

And I’ve spoken about Steve Jobs recently in my blog and what he meant to me.

William Gibson’s Neuromancer took me to a new world and made me see the future was cyberspace. I talked about it in school. I talked about it to everyone but no-one really understood what I was saying – this was late 80s remember and technology wasn’t as big as it is now.

And he recently spoke about Apple and why he has used their devices.

In an interview he said:

“I was never interested in getting any more intimate with whatever made my computer work. I wanted the most transparent interface possible; that is, that least required my personal attention. I wanted my personal attention to be elsewhere, focused on other things other than my computer. Design at that level kept me at Apple…”

And that sums up my relationship with Apple.

I love their equipment because it allows me to quickly pass through the fact I’m using a device and simply allows me to do what I need to do.

I have a number of friends who love to tinker with things, they want to know how things work and the majority of them are all Android users or PC users. They want to find out more about their devices and really dive deep into their software and what is possible with them – which is great but for me I want a device that lets me do my job as quickly and efficiently as possible without reminding me I’m using it.

Many Microsoft products drive me barmy because they have a habit of taking my attention away from what I’m doing (and I can be easily distracted at the best of times) and cause me to focus on the program and not what I’m using it for. I always felt that way with PC running Windows – and still do to be honest.

To me Apple computers remind me of my body (work with me here). I don’t stop to think about how I breathe I simply do. I don’t stop to think about how my muscles work and allow me to type it just simply happens. So my relationship with my body is the same as the one I have with my Apple – it exists and allows me to do what I need to do without thinking about all the stuff going on inside it.

And it was Jobs attention on getting the user-experience right that makes them so damn useful to me.

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