My top five beers

In Alcohol, Lessons, Life on August 19, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Let’s get one thing totally straight here. Beer that is meant to be made in other countries should not ever be made in your country because it will probably taste like pure and utter pish.

Let’s take Peroni for instance. In Australia some absolute numpty decided that it would be a fucking awesome idea to bottle Peroni locally. What’s worse is that Peroni liked this idea. Sell the rights they think with none of the bottling hassle but all it does it kill a brand.

I try not to buy Peroni any more simply because it tastes horrible when it is locally made. The local stuff is like someone shitting in cow dung, liquidating it and then flogging it to the public. It’s like a million voices suddenly screamed out and were silenced. It. Is. Total. And. Utter. Fucking. Shite.

I love beer. It’s awesome but I hate generic tasting crap.

And you know what? It’s not hard to get wrong but if you start fucking with perfection you are gonna end up with a total useless piece of piss-water that should be fed only to the idiots who came up with the idea of brewing an awesome beer elsewhere.

In Australia there are a whole bunch of great International beers that are made here and taste all EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME. Peroni, Stella Artois and Becks to name but a few. Hell even Sapporo is made in Canada now.

What kind of mad world are we living in???

To overcome the idiocy let me point you in the direction of some awesome foreign (and local to Aus) beers that you should seek out and enjoy:

Franziskaner – Truly the god of all beers. It tastes like the nape of a thousand beauties. It’s whispering pour can bring grown men to tears and the joy of drinking one will raise you to the zenith of your life. It is a champion. It’s as soft as it is hard. It’s a slightly fruity wheat beer that harks back to the time when men wore armour and destroyed both mythical and religious foes. It is a beer that you should hunt down, propose to and then build a small castle to defend.

Spatan Munchen – This is the beer that you don’t want to marry but want to sleep with and do a whole manner of bad things to. It’s not a beer that wants to be good. It wants to be ‘oh so bad’. It’s light and happy. It sings to you and lures you in like a siren. It loves you and then hates you but you can’t stop loving it. It’s a beer that you can’t rely on but will never give you a hangover unless you fall and smack a bottle over your head.

Duvel – This beer is the person you wish you had never slept with. This is the beer that supplies it’s own beer goggles but Jedi-mind tricks you into not realizing they’re on your face. It tastes like Sith but makes you think of summer days as it slowly slices your leg off and cauterizes the wound at the same time. It’s a dark beer. Oh so dark. It’s like the depth of a well at midnight, as the clouds contain the moon.

Moo Brew – Ok I’m gonna throw an Aussie beer into the mix. This is a Tasmanian beer. Now mainlander Aussies make fun of Tasmanians. To talk to a Scottish person I would say that Tasmanian are to mainlanders what Aberdonians are to Glaswegians. However, I know many from Tasmania and each and every single one of them are amazing. They are some of the best people I have ever met in my life and I cannot imagine my life without them in it. Now, to the beer. I’ve drank a few versions of this beer including the Pilsner (which rocks) and the Hefeweizen (which is the best beer I’ve had in Australia) and the Pale Ale. Trust me that you should seek out any and all of these beers and try them. You owe it to yourself, to your parents and to anyone you have ever loved.

77 Lager – This is a beer by the legendary team at Brew Dog in Scotland. These guys make beers so epic that imbibing their golden liquid make you feel like you are heading out on adventure to save not only the Princess, but the her twin sisters, her mum, their pet Platypus and two small gecko’s called Thunder and Horace. The 77 Pils is my personal beer of choice from their range because it is so clean a taste it feels like you’ve just gotten back from a dental visit where she used a transporter to zap away any plaque. It’s so crisp that merely opening a bottle causes tiny invisible avalanches all across the world. And it’s so tasty that Tibetan Monks hand-glide to the UK just try some.

Anyway that’s just a quick guide to some of my favourite beers. Feel free to add some of your own so that I may try them out.


9 Responses to “My top five beers”

  1. My fav post to date!! Love that I read it on a Friday and love that it makes me thirsty. Now to hunt down some of these beers 🙂

  2. Little Creatures and Pilsner Urquel for mine – never tried 77 Lager and Duvel but they both sound like something I’m going to hunt down.

    No I’m thirsty.

  3. Hoegaarden and Kilkenny, depending on the mood

  4. In Australia, probably Stone & Wood Pacific Ale or Vale Ale (new Vale DRK also good)
    But can’t beat a good old London Pride or a Brakspears
    Weirdest beer tried recently: Yeastie Boys Rex Attitude (NZ) – made using scottish malted hops so tastes like a peaty whisky

  5. Not a beer: Strongbow Clear. 50% less sugar than other ciders.

    Had a thing for Tasman Bitter and Boag’s Classic Blonde.

  6. Hello Scott

    This is where I like to go for beer in Adelaide.

    They have a great selection.

    Here are some initial thoughts based on this somewhat imperfect list. I like beers from an SA Brewer Bierhaus. Not sure how available these are outside SA. I usually drink Coopers because they are widely available. My preference is tasty IPA and there are plenty of those if you hunt around.

    1 McLaren Vale Ale Nice local beer from here in SA. Quite widely available.

    2 Little Creatures Pale Ale Very good average not a major brewer readily available beer

    3 Stone & Wood Draught/Pacific Ale Not tried

    4 Feral Hop Hog I have had the Feral IPA. Very tasty

    5 Kooinda Pale Ale Not tried

    6 Matilda Bay Fat Yak Quite good average non mainstream ale

    7 White Rabbit Dark Ale Drinkable

    8 James Squire Golden Ale Very average mainstream beer. Tasty

    9 McLaren Vale Dry Have not tried

    10 Hawthorn Pale Ale Have not tried

    11 Little Creatures Bright Ale Quite nice. Prefer the Pale Ale

    12 Coopers Pale Ale Ubiquitous around Adelaide. Nice but prefer the Sparkling

    =13 Holgate Temptress Chocolate Porter Have not tried

    =13 Mountain Goat Hightail Ale Quite pleasant.

    15 Murray’s Icon 2IPA Have not tried.

    16 Endeavour 2010 Reserve Pale Ale Have not tried.

    17 Knappstein Reserve Lager Don’t really like lagers. Have not tried.

    18 Hargreaves Hill ESB Have not tried.

    19 White Rabbit White Ale Very bland.

    20 James Squire Amber Ale Overrated.

    =21 Moo Brew Pale Ale Very nice. Like most of the Moo Brew. Especially Hefeweizen

    =21 Nail Brewing Clout Stout Have not tried

    23 Matilda Bay Alpha Pale Ale Have not tried

    24 Nail Brewing Nail Ale Have not tried

    25 Red Hill Imperial Stout Have not tried

    26 Coopers Sparkling Ale This is my preferred readily available draft beer and stubbie. Not good if not poured often.

    27 Endeavour 2010 Reserve Amber Ale Have not tried.

    28 Murray’s Spartacus Have not tried

    29 Mountain Goat Double Hightail. I have tried a few Mountain Goats. Not this one. Popular in our local brew pub.

    30 Holgate ESB Have not tried.

    31 Mountain Goat Steam Ale See comment above

    =32 Bridge Road Brewers B2 Bomber Have not tried.

    =32 Little Creatures Rogers Very bland. On tap at our local brew pub.

    34 True South Summer Ale Have not tried.

    35 Red Hill Scotch Ale Have not tried.

    36 Matilda Bay Beez Neez Have not tried

    37 Jamieson’s The Beast IPA Have not tried

    38 Boatrocker Alpha Queen Have not tried

    39 Hawthorn Amber Ale Have not tried

    40 Bridge Road Chevalier Saison Have not tried

    41 Feral White I like all the Feral Beers I have tried.

    42 Lord Nelson Brewery Three Sheets Have not tried

    43 Burleigh Brewing Black Giraffe Have not tried

    44 Bridge Road Brewers Galaxy Single Hop IPA Have not tried

    45 Murray’s Heart Of Darkness Have not tried

    46 Bridge Road Brewers Bling IPA Have not tried

    =47 Matilda Bay Big Helga Have not tried

    =47 True South New World Pilsner Have not tried

    49 2 Brothers James Brown Belgian Ale Have not tried

    =50 Moo Brew Imperial Stout I like all the Moo Brew Beers. Very smooth and tasty

    =50 Murray’s Grand Cru Have not tried

    =50 Murray’s Punch & Judy Have not tried

    =53 3 Ravens 55 Have not tried

    =53 Mountain Goat Rare Breed Double IPA Tasty

    55 Feral Fanta Pants Imperial Red Ale Have not tried

    56 2 Brothers Growler Have not tried

    57 2 Brothers Voodoo Have not tried

    =58 Little Creatures Pilsner I do not really drink Pilsner, but popular.

    =58 Murray’s Wild Thing Have not tried

    =60 Matilda Bay Dogbolter Have not tried

    =60 True South Dark Ale Have not tried

    =62 Holgate Hopinator Have not tried

    =62 James Squire Porter Have not tried

    =62 Red Hill Christmas Ale Have not tried

    =65 Bridge Road Brewers Beechworth Australian Ale Have not tried

    =65 Little Creatures Single Batch Brown Ale Have not tried

    =65 Moo Brew Hefeweizen This is very good if you like that style

    68 Steam Exchange Truffles Porter Have not tried

    =69 Bridge Road Beechworth Pale Ale Have not tried

    =69 Goodieson Brewery Pale Ale Have not tried

    =69 James Squire Pilsener No thanks

    =69 Red Hill Temptation Have not tried

    =73 Boatrocker Hoppbier Have not tried

    =73 Burleigh Brewing 28 Pale Ale Have not tried

    =73 Matilda Bay Redback Original Have not tried

    =73 Murray’s Whale Ale Have not tried

    =77 Brew Boys Ace of Spades Have not tried

    =77 Coopers Vintage 2010 Overrated

    =79 Feral Boris Russian Imperial Stout Have not tried

    =79 Mountain Goat Rare Breed IPA I ilked their IPA

    =79 Murray’s Nirvana Have not tried

    82 Stone & Wood Pale Lager Have not tried

    =83 Arctic Fox American Pale Ale Have not tried

    =83 Kosciuszko Pale Ale Have not tried

    =83 Pepperjack Ale Have not tried

    =83 Red Duck Bengal IPA Have not tried

    =87 James Squires Sundown Lager Have not tried

    =87 Red Hill Weizenbock Have not tried

    89 Feral Raging Flem I have liked all their beers

    =90 Feral Funky JunkyHave not tried

    =90 Grand Ridge Moonshine Have not tried

    =92 3 Ravens USB Have not tried

    =92 True South Red Truck Lager Have not tried

    =92 Wicked Elf Pale Ale Have not tried

    =95 Balmain Brewing Pale Ale Have not tried

    =95 Hargreaves Hill Pale Ale Have not tried

    =95 Holgate Road Trip IPA Have not tried

    =95 Holgate White Ale Have not tried

    =95 Little Creatures Single Batch IPA I have liked all the specialty beers that they have brewed.

    100 Bridge Rd Chevalier Bier de Garde Have not tried

  7. […] […]

  8. I forgot to add this ages ago, but Mickey’s Bg Mouth from Michigan

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