Archive for the ‘Alcohol’ Category


New (and old) beers

In Alcohol,Life,Movies on September 14, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,

The other night I bought some new beers and decided to do some writing about them. What is life without experimentation!

I drank all these beers the other night while watching Lethal Weapon. That amazing 80s classic and it shall be my next blog post!!

Bullocks – Tis a pilsner from the Snowy Mountains. All I know about that area is that it may have snow and may also be a mountain range. But I’m in Australia so I’m not sure if they are lying cause this country seems to have nothing but sunshine. But back to the beer…it’s inoffensive but at the same time it’s not that unique. It’s crisp but not sharp. It’s actually a hard to describe beer because you could probably drink it all night and not be offended yet at the same time it’s not the beet you would choose as your first drink. It’s way better than your normal Aussie beers and it’s well priced so I suggest grabbing a bottle and giving it a go. Here’s the weird thing about this beer when you drink it and swallow it doesn’t feel like you actually swallowed anything. Weird huh.

Stiegl Pils – Here we have a classic Austrian pils. It’s hoppy but not too strong while being nice enough to sit in the palette and dance a waltz across your tongue. This beer is from Salzburg (which means Salt City) which is the birthplace of a little known composer called Mozart. Like the man himself this beer is a classic. It builds itself up as you drink it, the first sip plays lightly on the tongue and as you take your second swig it feels faster and more powerful and as you keep drinking towards the end of the bottle you feel the crescendo building and warming you up. It’s a beer the man himself would be proud of.

Altenmünster – Yeah I know it sounds lie Allen’s Munster but it’s not. It’s not a monster of a beer at all. It’s a Bavarian bier that’s quite average to be honest. Its a bit dull, a bit hoppy and has an aftertaste that I can best describe as the morning after sleeping with a regret. It’s basically the Carlton Draft of Bavaria by the taste of it. My recommendation would be to avoid. Actually my recommendation would be to ask your local stockiest to stop stocking it and get some good beers in.

Chimay (yellow label) – Small yet powerful. This potent beer lies dormant like a ninja waiting to strike. It is deceptive and three of these in an hour will mess you up like 10 minutes in an MMA tournament. It tastes like a liquid cigar only instead of smoke rings you kinda do burp rings. It’s gassy and made originally by a bunch of monks who must have spent their entire life pissed and laughing with each other…unless it was a silent order in which case the only sounds would be the moaning of morning hangovers. You should try all the different Chimay’s. They rock. And Roll. Honestly, they are like little brown hand grenades of brain destruction. Handle with care.

Grolsch – The imported shit with the cool flip top lid not the locally made gash that tastes like a pair of socks you have worn for six days while jogging non-stop. Please don’t ask me how I know this. This shit is constantly good. You know this and I know this. It’s a beer that no matter where you go in the world the moment you see that flip-top lid you know you are in for a good experience. This beer is like the person who you always went back to when you were both out of relationships. It’s a safe beer. It’s a beer so safe that it should be behind a painting in a study.

So any new beers you’ve tried recently that you’d like to share?


My top five beers

In Alcohol,Lessons,Life on August 19, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Let’s get one thing totally straight here. Beer that is meant to be made in other countries should not ever be made in your country because it will probably taste like pure and utter pish.

Let’s take Peroni for instance. In Australia some absolute numpty decided that it would be a fucking awesome idea to bottle Peroni locally. What’s worse is that Peroni liked this idea. Sell the rights they think with none of the bottling hassle but all it does it kill a brand.

I try not to buy Peroni any more simply because it tastes horrible when it is locally made. The local stuff is like someone shitting in cow dung, liquidating it and then flogging it to the public. It’s like a million voices suddenly screamed out and were silenced. It. Is. Total. And. Utter. Fucking. Shite.

I love beer. It’s awesome but I hate generic tasting crap.

And you know what? It’s not hard to get wrong but if you start fucking with perfection you are gonna end up with a total useless piece of piss-water that should be fed only to the idiots who came up with the idea of brewing an awesome beer elsewhere.

In Australia there are a whole bunch of great International beers that are made here and taste all EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME. Peroni, Stella Artois and Becks to name but a few. Hell even Sapporo is made in Canada now.

What kind of mad world are we living in???

To overcome the idiocy let me point you in the direction of some awesome foreign (and local to Aus) beers that you should seek out and enjoy:

Franziskaner – Truly the god of all beers. It tastes like the nape of a thousand beauties. It’s whispering pour can bring grown men to tears and the joy of drinking one will raise you to the zenith of your life. It is a champion. It’s as soft as it is hard. It’s a slightly fruity wheat beer that harks back to the time when men wore armour and destroyed both mythical and religious foes. It is a beer that you should hunt down, propose to and then build a small castle to defend.

Spatan Munchen – This is the beer that you don’t want to marry but want to sleep with and do a whole manner of bad things to. It’s not a beer that wants to be good. It wants to be ‘oh so bad’. It’s light and happy. It sings to you and lures you in like a siren. It loves you and then hates you but you can’t stop loving it. It’s a beer that you can’t rely on but will never give you a hangover unless you fall and smack a bottle over your head.

Duvel – This beer is the person you wish you had never slept with. This is the beer that supplies it’s own beer goggles but Jedi-mind tricks you into not realizing they’re on your face. It tastes like Sith but makes you think of summer days as it slowly slices your leg off and cauterizes the wound at the same time. It’s a dark beer. Oh so dark. It’s like the depth of a well at midnight, as the clouds contain the moon.

Moo Brew – Ok I’m gonna throw an Aussie beer into the mix. This is a Tasmanian beer. Now mainlander Aussies make fun of Tasmanians. To talk to a Scottish person I would say that Tasmanian are to mainlanders what Aberdonians are to Glaswegians. However, I know many from Tasmania and each and every single one of them are amazing. They are some of the best people I have ever met in my life and I cannot imagine my life without them in it. Now, to the beer. I’ve drank a few versions of this beer including the Pilsner (which rocks) and the Hefeweizen (which is the best beer I’ve had in Australia) and the Pale Ale. Trust me that you should seek out any and all of these beers and try them. You owe it to yourself, to your parents and to anyone you have ever loved.

77 Lager – This is a beer by the legendary team at Brew Dog in Scotland. These guys make beers so epic that imbibing their golden liquid make you feel like you are heading out on adventure to save not only the Princess, but the her twin sisters, her mum, their pet Platypus and two small gecko’s called Thunder and Horace. The 77 Pils is my personal beer of choice from their range because it is so clean a taste it feels like you’ve just gotten back from a dental visit where she used a transporter to zap away any plaque. It’s so crisp that merely opening a bottle causes tiny invisible avalanches all across the world. And it’s so tasty that Tibetan Monks hand-glide to the UK just try some.

Anyway that’s just a quick guide to some of my favourite beers. Feel free to add some of your own so that I may try them out.



Dry July and the Drinking Society

In Alcohol,Digital,Lessons,Life on June 23, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

You may or may not have noticed but I’m a Scotsman. Scotland is ranked is one of the top countries in the world for high-levels of alcohol consumption.

It’s a drinking country. It’s dark a lot of the time and a lot of time is spent in the pubs.

You may or may not have know this but I used to be a journalist. Journalism has an incredibly high-level of alcoholics within it’s midst thank to the increasing pressures put on journalists to get stories and exclusives.

Some of my family enjoyed a drink a little bit too much and it’s taken some of their lives. I’ve known a number of people who have lost loved ones because of alcohol.

I love a good drink but I also recognise that it is a drug. A legal drug. A taxable drug. It’s an addiction for many.

Nothing beats having a beer after a hard day at work and relaxing with friends. However, I’ve over-indulged on occasion. I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘that guy’ but I’m sure I have come pretty close. I can drink a lot and have a good system that allows me to soak it up.

But a few years ago I was drinking a hell of a lot. I went to the doctor as I was feeling really run down and they ran some tests. My liver levels were high. Very high. He recommended I stay away for a while and that was around the first time I did Dry July.

Since then I have limited my alcohol consumption while still having a good time.

But it can be tough. It can be damned tough to sit there drinking water while everyone around you drinks alcohol. What is worse is that there is always someone who calls you soft for not drinking…hell I’ve been that guy a few times but I also tend to make jokes about it and if I find out someone doesn’t drink then I let it go. It’s their choice.

I have made a pledge that if I raise over $3,000 this year then I will stay off the booze for three whole months. I think that is incentive enough for people to get behind me and help me raise money for The Prince of Wales Hospital Foundation:

“The Prince of Wales hospital treats approximately 1000 new cancer patients per year and 3000 ongoing patients. This second number over the years of their survivorship come to the hospital fewer and fewer times but the 1000 new then revert to ongoing patients. So we are always treating 4000 patients per year.”

It’s a great cause so feel free to get behind me and sponsor my sobriety.

If you have the time have a watch of Craig Ferguson talking about his alcohol addiction. It’s very sobering.