Posts Tagged ‘food’


My Cinema Rules

In Friends,Lessons,Life,Movies on February 9, 2013 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , , , ,

I love this cinema. I love sitting down in a big cinema packed with people all enjoying the same flick. When I was a young lad my dad used to take me to the local ‘flea pit’ cinema in Dennistoun just outside of Glasgow city centre. The floor was sticky with the residue of sweet popcorn and the gloop of spilled Cola.

As I got older myself and my mates would go to the cinema every single Saturday morning and see two movies. We had a special P days.

Pictures, pool, pizza, pissed. I miss the P days.

But we always had our rules for the cinema. So here to continue my long, dull list of life rules are my cinema rules.

1. Stay away from the aisles, stay as close to the centre as is possible and keep the hell away from the first three rows – only people with extreme short sightedness should go there.

2. Food should be silent. Tacos? out! Crisps? out! (well unless you open the pack, silently retrieve one and then place it on your tongue to melt. Soft drinks are fine but never slurp that last little bit. The slurping is bad. This will take people out of the movie and into the bottom of your cup.

3. I tend to always book my tickets well in advance. Too many times in my life have I turned up at the cinema only to see that SOLD OUT flashing on the screen.

4. When I’m choosing my cinema I try to stay away from the beaten track and head on nights where I believe it will be quiet. Mondays, Wednesday and Sundays are my favourite nights. Friday is couple night and canoodling is rife and Saturday is date night where new relationships are formed by talking…in the cinema.

5. Which is where the next rule comes in. Talking. Shush. I believe you can talk during trailers and adverts. Hell talk as much as you want during the adverts mainly to sit there and go ‘I miss the Bacardi ad’ (the Scottish version but couldn’t find it). But as soon as that movie begins then its shush time. But I believe when that film starts I always shut up and enjoy.

6. Phones are similar to talking. I have no problems with checking Facebook or Twitter before the movie starts during trailers and ads but again don’t check it till the movie finishes. I hate seeing that flash of light when someone takes their phone out during the film.

7. Arrive on time – especially if it is pre-booked seating with allocated numbers. Look I get that people can be late but I always get there on time and get seated before the movie starts. I hate it when people stamp all over you to get to their seat after the film has started.

8. If I’m meeting my friends at the cinema and they have been kind enough to book tickets then I always get there with plenty of time. It’s pretty rude to turn up one minute to the movie starting leaving all your friends waiting on you and not in their seats. It’s even worse if the tickets don’t have allocated seating.

8. I always hit the gents before the movie and empty the old (and getting older) bladder. That way I don’t miss any of the movie and I also don’t annoy people by stepping over people.

9. I hate it when people kick the chair in front of them. It’s not nice on a plane and it’s not nice in the cinema. So don’t. Seriously. Just don’t do it.

Well there you have it My Cinema Rules for a pleasant, enjoyable night at the movies without irritating or annoying anyone around you and if we all follow these rules then everyone will have a very pleasant time at the pics.

The End


The burger plea of special tastebuds

In Food,Lessons,Life on June 14, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

While noticing parts of Masterchef last night – it was on the TV – I noticed the burger that Heston Blumenthal put together had no beetroot on it. Nor aioli.

I tweeted that Australians should realise this is how a burger should be. It shouldn’t have beetroot. My twitter feed was a flurry of pro and anti beetroot fans. It all went a bit mental. I seemed to have touched a part of the Australian psyche that many were attacking me and my attack on the beetroot. Even an MP got in on the act telling me that every good Aussie burger should have beetroot on it. Thankfully there were some beautiful people out there who came to my defence and said NO to Beetroot!

I guess I should have said before I posted that being a supertaster means I taste more than other others and beetroot’s on a burger bascially means it becomes totally overpowered by only one taste – that of the purple coloured monstrosity.

I enjoy a good burger. All of my friends will testify to that but I cannot stand a few things when I eat out.

1. Aioli. Listen you gourmet chefs out there beefburgers do not and should not ever have fucking have aioli on them. I’m sick of going into a restaurant or a pub and ordering a beefburger and it turning up with fucking aioli on it. Which brings me to point 2.

2. Menus where the chef has failed to list all the ingredients bar one and that one is usually aioli. So you get the burger and you have told them you don’t want beetroot or pickles and suddenly this burger appears slapped with tomato sauce on top and aioli on the bottom. WTF?!?

3. Beetroot. Keep it off the burger please.

4. Pickles. Not a fan but hey if it pleases most people fine I’ll just flip those suckers on to the side of the plate – please note you cannot do this with beetroot as the moment it gets slopped onto a burger it starts to spread like Eboli.

5. Chefs stop putting the parmigiana ON TOP OF THE CHIPS. Seriously. How the fuck am I supposed to cut the thing? If anything put the chips on top so I can eat them first THEN hit the Parma.

6. Pepper. Leave it out unless I request it or at least you ask me if I want it. Too many times have I been given pepper on a burger or whetever only for me to not eat the food. Not everyone like it so please have a care for us tongue disabled.

7. If you decide you want to spice up the food. Please put it on the menu. Too many times have I stumbled upon food with hidden chillis in it only to find that I cannot eat for hours afterwards.

8. Cripsy bacon should be crispy and not simply a wee bit hard at one end.

9. Thick bread is not good for French Toast. You should always use thin sliced bread. Thicker bread ends up being sopping and gooey.

10. Seriously drop the beetroot from the burger but get the bacon and egg in and the onion rings and ketchup or bbq sauce but never aioli or mayonnaise.

I should also point out that after making the comment about that Aussie burgers shouldn’t have beetroot I had a few people tell me that if I don’t like it then I should leave. This is a post I shall leave for another day but it’s a very interesting one about the amount of people in Australia that have said that to me when I complain about a tiny aspect of the country or culture.

Anyway, what’s on your perfect burger?


A bad taste in my mouth

In Life on March 12, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , ,

This is a strange rant but allow me to explain where it comes from.
I am a Supertaster. I have more taste buds than your average person and it means there are many things that I cannot eat such as spicy foods, certain vegetables not to mention that I cannot drink wine or whisky (which makes me pretty damned sad being a Scotsman!!) which means it’s a bit of nightmare when I head out for food. Eating out can be a problem when chefs leave certain food off the list of the menu. Nothing worse than finding some beetroot hiding in your burger!
Which brings me to my annoyance at purchasing something recently – An Emma & Tom’s Cherry and Goji berry bar.
Mmm tasty…or so I thought. You see the bar has only 22% dried cherries and 5% dried Goji Berries.
The rest of it was made up of dates (simply disgusting to my taste buds) and raw almonds (ok but not great) and that’s it. Now by my reckoning thats’s 73% of the bar I bought failing to have the ingredients I bought it for.
Now I understand marketing but I’m feeling a tad cheated out of my cherries and my goji berries. But mostly I just can’t stand the taste of dates. They are minging. Totally and utterly minging.
If the bar had said it was a Date and Almond bar then I would have walked away a little bit richer and without such a bad taste in my mouth.