Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

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Neuromancer and Tron

In Digital,Lessons,Life,Social Media,Technology,Video Games on May 31, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , , ,

My dad took me to see Tron when I was very young. We went to the local fleapit cinema in Dennistoun near Glasgow City Centre. I watched the movie in total awe at this strange world inside a computer.

The grid.

This place where information zipped and zapped itself around while people shared information and collaborated. It amazed me. Battles happened with the world and my life was forever changed.

Then in high school i was involved in the first year of teaching computing at my school. We had BBC Micro’s and I remember learning some basic but never felt the teacher knew what he was doing that much so nobody really learned much. I knew that computers would forge a future I just didn’t know how it would forge mine. 10 Print etc 😉

Around this same time I was told about a book called Neuromancer. I went and picked up a copy and sat down to read it. I stayed up all night and finished the book in one go.

I was mesmerised by the world created by William Gibson. The word cyberspace has stuck firmly in my brain every since.

It’s where I live today.

It’s where I work.

We may not be IN the Grid.

We may not be jacked into Cyberspace.

But we are there. Digitally connecting. Information sharing. Conversing and communicating.

For my talk in fourth year in English we had to do a talk about something and I chose Neuromancer.

I talked about how the world would be smaller. We would all be connected no matter where we were in the world. I told them about Cyberspace – this ethereal world where our other lives are led.

My teacher said she didn’t understand much about what I was talking about but that I seemed so genuinely passionate about it that it must be interesting. She gave me a high mark and that was the end of that.

I always wonder if she is on Facebook now. I wouldn’t mind just dropping her a line and saying…see told you it would work out 😉

The world as we knew it then has changed so much. Not always for the better. But it’s nice to see the future come to fruition.

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Articles

Drivers and Cyclists

In Lessons,Life,Uncategorized on May 30, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , ,

In my younger years I was a cyclist. I loved to get on my bike and cycle. It would clear my mind and look at things in new perspectives. I loved the speed and the distance a bike could take you.

I don’t understand joggers though. They screw up their joints and they don’t get too far but this isn’t a rant about joggers it’s about road users.

When I was in primary school I sat my cycling proficiency test and passed. Although I think that all kids did but what I learnt on that school playground set me in good stead for my future days cycling around parts of Scotland.

I always obeyed the road rules. Would wait at traffic lights. Properly signalled. Respected other road users. And, most importantly, I cycled on the road.

I had a road bike therefore I used the road.

I was thin as a rake and loved cycling even after I got my drivers licence.

Today in Australia I have a nice Cervelo that I take out from time to time. I even did the Sydney to Wollongong cycle the year before last and I’m thinking about tackling it again this year to beat my time,

But something about Sydney messes with me in regards to cycling. The majority of cyclists in this town are batshit mental and have no regard whatsoever for other road users, and a lot of them times, for themselves.

I live in a one-way street and the amount of cyclists who cycle up it towards on-coming traffic really pisses me the fuck off. The amount of them who don’t signal. Who weave through traffic. Who seem to think the road is theirs and the pavement is theres also. Who think they own the road is insane!

Oh and cyclists if you are cycling on the road and the pedestrian crossing button bleeps this is not a cue for you to suddenly start cycling again.

On the flip side of this it seems most Sydney drivers believe that cyclists are target practice. I don’t know how many accidents I have seen now with drivers failing to see the cyclist.

Now I’ve heard so many cyclists slam drivers and vice versa but if you all took some fucking time to actually pay attention to ALL road users and all obeyed the traffic laws the world would be a little bit better than it is today.

However, there is one last thing that pisses me off and that’s the decision by the City of Sydney to create what I can only describe as the dumbest mother-fucking decision in the history of stupid to create cycle lanes that begin nowhere and end nowhere.

Not to mention the fact that on a two way road haven a cycle lane on one side that goes in both directions is buttfuck stupid. How the fuck is the cyclist supposed to get from the lane he is cycling in without cycle path to the cycle path across the road and then back when the cycle path stops? I’ve included a picture to explain.

Really dumb cycle path if the cyclist has to cross the road

Sometimes city planners are geniuses and other times they need to stop listening to politicians and just do the right damned thing instead.

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Articles

Matriarchy

In Lessons,Life,Work on May 29, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , ,

I’m from Glasgow in Scotland. Most people seem to think that Glasgow is full of tough men who would beat you up in a second if you looked at them the wrong way, and it can be like that at times but behind every Glaswegian hard bloke is a Glaswegian woman who he is terrified of.

Their mums.

Most Scotsmen will not stand for ‘your mum’ jokes simply because you don’t make jokes about someone’s mum. It’s their mum for fucks sake. You do not do this. You show respect to mums.

You listen when a Scottish mother speaks. You do what she tells you. You do not provoke her anger for her wrath knows no bounds.

My great gran was the matriarch of our family (on one side not the other), followed by my gran (she ran the roost between her and her sisters/brothers) and I guess now my mum. Decisions are made by these strong women and men listen when the words are said.

But in business I have noticed how many men fail to listen to women and sometimes they dismiss them as if they don’t know what they are talking about. I’ve seen men in meetings with women talk to them like dirt. I’ve seen men sit with their legs wide open scratching their balls in front of women.

And in many occasions I’ve said something. It’s rude to treat women like that anywhere.

I treat women with respect because where I come from they are the bosses. If my dad was angry at me for something I was scared. If my mum was angry at me for doing something wrong I wanted to run and hide … forever!!

Everyone you work with should be shown the same courtesy whether they are male or female.

On another not I will say that over my years working I have noticed that some women will happily betray or backstab other women to get up the ladder which I find horrible. Not seen it so often with men but I have no doubt it happens also.

The point of this blog post? Don’t mess with Scottish women. They will fuck your shit up.

And the second point is that women are as skilled as men and the old guard need to start realising this.

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Articles

Kevin Costner

In Life on May 28, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

This is a pretty mental topic name for a blog post yeah? I mean Kevin Costner isn’t the kind of title you expect to see here on my wee blog right?

But you see Kevin Costner means a lot to me.

My gran was in love with him. Or lust. Or something. A few years after my grandfather died she kinda got obsessed with Costner.

She had posters of him on her wall and she would watch a movie of his every day. Every-time I would pop over to her house she would be sitting watching a Costner movie.

My gran was Susan Pullar but everyone would call her Cissy. No idea why. I think it’s a Glasgow thing. She had a wicked laugh and was a feisty, crazy women at times. She wouldn’t take shit from anyone but was honest, thoughtful, powerful, delightful, fun and adorable. She was honest with a temper a bit like my mum.

But she loved Costner.

She died of an aneurism of the brain in the middle of the street. I hate that. I hate the thought of her just falling in the street without any of us around.

But I love the last memories I have of her when I drove her home a few days before as she complained about my driving and I was winding her up. We laughed in the car that day and she said she would see me soon. I gave her a big kiss on the cheek and said goodbye. She wouldn’t let me get out the car to open her door or anything. She loved being independent.

Somewhere these is a family audio tape of a christmas party with everyone singing different songs. I can still here her beautiful voice.

A few months after she died I went to the cinema to see the new Kevin Costner movie “Message in a Bottle”. It’s quite a sad movie but at the end I broke down. I had to sit in the cinema till the place emptied because I was a blubbering mess.

I had been planning to try to get a signed autograph of Costner for my gran to go next to her poster of him she had on her wall in her living room. I never got it. She would have loved it.

Miss you Cissy (she would hate me calling her that).

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Articles

Football, Codes and Australia

In Lessons,Life on May 23, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

This isn’t so much a blog post more a post on my initial bafflement in Australia.

I came to Australia over seven years and I will never forget my first week, sitting in a pub and talking to some random strangers – as I am want to do.

They asked me which team I support. Rangers I said…and Partick Thistle. They asked me if that was Union or League.

I was baffled. Like seriously baffled. Leagure or Union!!?? But they are they are rugby codes not Fitba’ codes.

So I enquired. I asked them what they meant and they said Rugby Union or Rugby League. I then asked them why when we were talking about football they then started talking about rugby. They said in Australia there are three football codes: Rugby League, Rugby Union and Australian Rules Football.

So what do you call football I enquired. Soccer was the answer.

I pressed them on this and asked them which of the four sports used the foot + the ball more than any other. We all agreed that it was football aka soccer. Just in case you were curious the word soccer comes from Football a SOCCiation.

Since being here I have noticed the Football Federation of Australia have been doing their best to change the minds of masses from soccer to football, hell even the media call it that most of the time but alas I believe it is too deep in the Australian psyche that I doubt it will change. So if you ever come to Australia and someone asks you which football team you support – buy them a beer and ask them to explain 🙂

See also:
pants = trousers not underpants
thongs = flips flips not sexy ladies underpants
lollies = sweets not just lollipops (yeah I haven’t figured this one out yet)

If you know of any other words that Australians use that are different around the world – feel free to comment!

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Articles

A good friend is hard to find

In Friends,Lessons,Life on May 16, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , ,

When I left Scotland I left behind a whole bunch of amazing people. I left behind a group of guys who I would gladly give my life so any one of them could live. The last time I was in Scotland (about three years ago) I dropped in on my mate Stew and although we hadn’t seen each other in three years we had a beer, sat on the sofa and spoke and laughed and ripped the piss out of each other as if we had only been hanging about the day before.

Frienship is a very rare gift. They are the people who are there for you when you are down and who make you smile and laugh. They give you advice. They help you through your life and without them your life is not near as full as it should be.

There are times in life when I have pissed off or upset my friends. There are times when I have probably driven them to tearing their hair out. And there are times when I have been on the verge of losing friends.

I feel like right now that is happening.

There is one friend out there who I hold in an incredibly high-regard.

He is incredibly intelligent and great fun to talk to but on the flip side he a worrier and sometimes far too deadly serious for his own good. He is a lovely person and has helped me through a lot while living in Australia and I like to think that if we had met in another country we would still be friends.

I have, I’m afraid to say, been sadly missing as a friend lately and I’m gonna change that. I’ve already emailed him to say that I’ve been a crap friend lately and that I intend to change that.

Hopefully he understands and accepts the olive branch/white flag/big bit of haggis I’m putting out there.

The richest person in the world is the person who is surrounded by good friends…

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Articles

Selfish Undertakers

In Lessons,Life on May 16, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , ,

I have a rant that has been building up inside of me for a long time.

A long, long time. So much it feels like a galaxy far, far away.

I fucking hate selfish undertakers…no not the people who bury the dead. Those people have a dead tough job…groan.

I hate it when I am sitting in my car in a queue not really moving too fast when some tosser decided that THEY are too good to queue up and decide to ram down the left hand side of the road then force their way in.

Same thing happens when you are heading towards the tunnels in Sydney in your car. More than half the shitty traffic is caused by fuckers undertaking then trying to cut in just to save them five more minutes as the queues start to build up.

I don’t do it and everytime I see someone do it I just want to drop some kind of laser from the sky to vaporise them. This is a good note for future governments NEVER give me access to some kind of super-weapon. I will use it to destroy these people.

I want to try and get to the root of the problem and I believe it is people’s fundamental belief that they are better than other people. They think they have the right to cut in front of people because they deserve to be in front of others. These same people would never think of doing this kind of thing in a queue for tickets or a queue for a cab because people would probably just ending up smacking the utter fuck out of them.

Only recently I was involved in an incident when I was waiting in a taxi queue and one of these selfish undertakers just decided to walk in front of the queue. Two girls were at the start of the queue and he just stared at them obviously daring them to say something. I’m not known for being quiet at the best of times so I called him up on it. He was a shocked and stunned that someone would dare to.

Now I’m Scottish, which means I’m a short-arse. This guy was about six foot one.

But when we Scots get angry. We sound FUCKING ANGRY.

I was damned angry. How dare this guy intimidate the two women and how dare he think he was better than the other eight people standing in the queue. I fucking lost it. I used words that would make Billy Connolly blush. I went ballistic. I think I even called him an ass-munching felch burger.

He backed off and said he would get a taxi somewhere else and that I was mad. The girls thanked me for getting rid of them.

Obviously the situation could have gotten ugly but sometimes you have to risk those things to stand up for what is right. But when you put people in their little metal boxes what is risked is lives. These greedy, selfish people cause problems and cost lives all to get to their destination one minute earlier.

They fucking disgust me.

So, please, please, please don’t undertake. Wait in the queue and don’t think you are better than anyone else.

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Articles

Religious Brainwashing

In Life,Religion on May 15, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , ,

Yup…you had to know that at some point I would bring this topic up…

Since I was young I have always believed that no-one should be educated in religion until they are old enough to decide which path they want to chose. And yes this includes by their parents. And if you are going to educate them – whether in schools or at home then I believe that you should teach them EVERY single religion and let them choose.

Woah woah woah calm down. I can already feel a whole bunch of religious people getting ready to call me heretic and burn me at the stake. Hear me out.

If you are raised by Catholic parents the chances of you being a catholic and believing in a catholic god is incredibly high.

If you are raised by Islamic parents the chances of you being a muslim and believing in the muslim god is incredibly high.

And so on and so on and so on.

I live in a world that is brainwashed and believe in a creature, an entity, a something. They have faith in something because chances are they were told by their parents or teachers or the minister or the imam that this is what they have to believe in.

My mother and father are christians. They believe in a god. I don’t. I’m an athiest. I have been since I was 7 years old and the minister at my local Sunday School couldn’t answer my question: “Where does god come from?”. He told me he has always been there. I told him that was a cop out. He told my parents never to bring me back.

I then spent a lot of time reading about many religions and I came to a moment of blinding truth.

There is no god and I live in a world where the majority of people I know believe in something that I can never do…have faith.

Sometimes it feels like I like in a world where they have left the asylum doors open. If I ran around telling people that a giant octopus with the head of a giraffe built the world, gave us life, watched everything we do while craning his awesome neck and then when we died we snuggled up to his feet I would be locked up.

Yet we live in a world where make conscious decisions based on their entity belief.

We live in a world where people judge others based on their entity belief.

We live in a world where people actually make political decisions for the good of the masses based on their belief (with no proof) of a god.

And we live in a world where people kill others for their entity belief.

And the majority of these people are following the path of their parents or what they were taught. Chances are if they were brought up in another country with different parents who believe in a different religion then they too would follow a different religion. That’s brainwashing. Dress it up in any fashion you want but that’s exactly what that is.

Yet every religion teaches tolerance and love. It’s just a shame that some people don’t take the time to read and understand what that actually means.

Instead they use it as a tool for hate. To control. To destroy. As an excuse for power. And that’s a shame because most of the people I know who are religious are wonderful people – but it always makes me wonder who they would be if they were given the choice at a young age to discover religion on their own or learn later in life when they are mature enough to understand.

I know many amazing people who believe in god and in religion. Some of the best and closest people in my life believe and have faith.

I’ll never have it. I’ll never feel that. But I will talk to you about your religion and try to understand why you believe.

Ultimately it’s a person’s choice but I believe the choice is made harder when it is conditioned into you at a young age.

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Articles

Scotland

In Friends,Life on May 6, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , ,

I can’t have a blog called Kilt For Hire and not mention Scotland.

Although I now live in Australia I will always call Scotland my home. It is my country of birth and where I lived till I was 29.

But it is much more than just a country. It is much more than just a small piece of land filled with heather and hills and grumpy people sick of the rain.

It is a part of who I am. It defines my spirit, my passion and my fire.

It blessed me with an accent (which I don’t think I have) and one that people (for some bizarre reason) enjoy listening to. I’m one of the rare Scots I know who are quite open with their feelings – past generations of Scots would simply grunt or nod rather than say ‘I love you’ but since my uncle was murdered in Scotland and I was in Australia I vowed to always tell my parents, my sisters and my friends that I love them and how much they mean to me.

I am also blessed with a history as rich and as deep as Loch Ness (yes I do believe in Nessie and Haggis are real) and much of that history has bled into who we are as a nation.

Scotland is a wet country. It rains all the bloody time. It’s also a hard culture. You don’t grow up in a wet and miserable land being constantly attacked without ending up with a chip on your shoulder. So the Scots have grown into an angry race they will defend its own but to combat the anger they also developed what I can only describe the best sense of humour in the world.

We spend a lot of time in pubs drinking hard and when you drink through the dark winter months with others you learn to have a fast wit. You learn to riposte barbs and insults with speed and learn to make people joke and smile. Some are better than others and if you’ve read my blog post about my dad you’ll know what I’m talking about.

I’m currently reading/listening to the audiobook of Craig Ferguson’s story called “American On Purpose”. It’s remarkable story about his life and rise to fame as a chat show host in the US. My book would be called “Australian By Accident” if I ever get round to writing it! I never realised it before but he and I have a few things in common including being born in Stobhill Hospital where both my mum and gran were nurses.

Every few days I speak to my mum and dad and listening to @craigyferg (yes he is on Twitter) lately has made me miss the old country a lot. I miss it’s rolling hills, I miss the cold mornings, the dark winters where the sun sets at what seems like 2pm and the light summers where at 11pm it’s still so bright. I miss the heather and the brachen. I miss the smell. The taste of real water out of the tap.

I miss my friends.

I miss my family.

I miss home and one day I’ll return … maybe for good.

If you haven’t heard of or listened to Craig Ferguson before I suggest you do – here’s a very unusual piece of television from him, especially as it was on US TV.

At the end he says: “”The relationship I have with my father is not unlike the relationship I have with the old country, you know with Scotland, I grumble about it, I complain about it, I can even be mean about it, but I love it beyond reason it’s where I’m from, it’s what I am.” Never a truer thing has been said.

Which makes me think about one last thing that we Scots are and that’s honest and straight to the point.

Awrabest!

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Articles

Role-Playing

In Friends,Life,RPG on April 20, 2011 by kiltforhire Tagged: , , , , ,

I’ve lived thousands of lives.

I’ve battled Demons and Death Stars.

I’ve seen nebulas explode and races made extinct .

I’ve controlled people with only my thoughts and seen armoured warriors fight to the end.

I’ve flown spaceships through dying stars and seen my children grow old.

I’m a role-player and proud.

You know role-playing gets a bad rap.

Really it does.

For some bizarre reason the cool kids in primary school used to mock the role-playing kids…and some religious organisations seem to think it’s full of satanic worshipers in robes n shit.

Well do you know what? I’ve role-played since I was 12 years old. It’s the single greatest hobby I have ever had. It teaches you to think fast, work as a team, use your imagination, engage with others on different levels, put yourself in someone else’s shoes and to grow and learn.

I first began role-playing with my mate Stew. He introduced me to Traveler. A stunning sci-fi game set in the past filled with aliens and new worlds. I’ll never forget that first game being stuck on a roof having only a big handled six-shooter and rolling dice to see if my shots took down the two strange creatures attacking me. It opened up a whole new world.

Following that we created a team myself, Stew, Tommy, Sav, Bidge and Dougie. We used to meet at one of our houses on a Sunday morning at around 8am and play. Over the years other people got involved Louise, Dave, Ross, Garry to name but a few.

Sometimes the campaigns lasted months and other times a fatal mistake would wipe out the team in seconds.

I guess I should explain what it is? Role-playing is like acting and video games and movies all rolled into one and uses your imagination. The GM is the games master, your eyes and ears of the world you are in. He is every character you meet and is the storyteller of that world.

You the players, create characters based on the rules of the game. For instance in Dungeons & Dragons you can choose between a human bard or an elven archer or a dwarven warrior. In Star Wars you can become a Jedi of a smuggler. In Mechwarrior you could become a mech pilot and control 10 metre tall fighting machines.

Anyone can play. All you need is a pad, a pen, two or more people, the game rules and imagination. It’s the ultimate game.

I still play occasionally in Australia but I find it tough to play without my mates from the UK. It kinda feels like I’m cheating on them when I team up with people where I am now.

Every Sunday from 8.30am till about 5pm. From aged 12 till I came to Australia aged 29.

I miss those Sundays every single day.

I miss the feeling of camaraderie.

The in-jokes ‘it’s empteeeeee’.

I miss the exhilaration of an amazing campaign.

But most of all I miss you guys. I miss you Stew with your amazingly rich campaigns, I miss you Sav and your devious schemes, I miss you Tommy and your no-nonsense characters, I miss you Dougie and your moments of sanity and I miss you Bidge and your batshit mental characters.

I know we have grown up and many of you have families now but I know you still play. Most Sundays.

And there isn’t a Sunday goes by where I don’t wish I was sitting on the floor next to you guys rolling dice, eating crap food, carrying on, rubbing out stats on character sheets and laughing. So much laughter.

I miss you role-players. I miss my mates…

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